windowchimes

We must all become alarm clocks!

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windowchimes
not_art
I blame Tragedy.

blade runner - Based upon a Philip k. Dick novel, but veering off from it also in many, many ways. It's a beautiful movie visually, as wonderful as the book, it asks interesting questions about what it is to be human, and what matters about what we do.

dada - I'm fascinated by the reactions to 'what is art', so long after Duchamp and crew attacked 'art' and laughed at it. It's amazing to me that the dadaists made the points they did, tried so hard to kill the cancer which they felt was getting ready to eat the art world, and yet the art world walked right on and just kept on doing the same things.

edward gorey - Not only did I fall in love at first sight of the Gashlycrumb Tinies, but his work is just fun, clever, and reminds me of why I first wanted to be an artist.

fluxus - Much like dada, I think Fluxus was a chance for the art world to end a certain stagnation that has taken it over. Who cares about 'art' now? Most people? Not really. But Fluxus was an attempt, I think, to make art accessible and interesting (if challenging) to people again. But no one knows what Fluxus is except those in the art world, who abandoned it.

hacking - I'm not a hacker. I probably wish pretty fervently that I were sometimes, and sometimes I get a taste of it when I'm solving a problem, working something out, completely lost in it. Hacking is something to aspire to, and a great metaphor for many things in life.
(Speaking of hacking as a positive activity, in contrast to cracking here.)

joel rosenberg - A great fantasy author, whose characters I love. They're some of the books I re-read when I'm feeling down, in a bad way, just can't handle things any longer.

liberty - "Democracy is two wolves and a sheep deciding on dinner, liberty is a well-armed sheep contesting the vote." I think that if we were to put trust in and educate more people, this country and this world would be a lot better off. I aspire to believing in the value of liberty over the alternatives, even when sometimes I doubt it as well.

masamune shirow - The only manga I ever collected was Appleseed (still don't have the entire run of it). He has reasons for what he writes, he likes to mak people think, and he maintains a pseudonym as a popular and moderately famous artist, which is something I find fascinating. If I were to ever become famous, I'd like it to be through a pseudonym, so I could know who I was without others knowing.

old computers - From old Xerox Lisp Machines to aging but functional PCs, something about humble (and sometimes not so humble) old technology fascinates me. I'd love to spend time as an antiquarion of lost tech.

rosencrantz and guildenstern - Life, death, reality, parts to play, wit, humor, what doesn't the movie have? There's even violence...

tchaikovsky - The Chinese Dance from the Nutcrackes suite, one of the few pieces of classical music I can recognize by hearing it, reminds me of a very sad night I once spent, unable to deal with what was happening, no one to turn to, and hearing that music at the end of a long drive home. When it sneaks up on me sometimes I have to hold back tears.

thomas harris - Red Dragon, Silence of the Lambs, Hannibal, enough said. Way too much fun.

weapons - I've always had a fascination with weapons. My dad always taught me stuff about the army and wars when I was a kid. Army planes and tanks are some of the first things I remember drawing. Violence is powerful, even when it is only contemplated, and a big part of life. I also played a LOT of RPGs growing up, and there are almost always weapons and combat in RPGs.


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I, on the other hand, seem to have found myself in something suspiciously like a career which pays the bills but tends to eat me alive on a fairly regular basis (despite the fact that I do mostly like my job). I've pretty much learned to live in the real world, which I never really thought I could do, but lately I've been feeling like the cost of doing so was too high. I haven't written poetry for years and I'm not sure I can ever get it back, which really scares me. There seems to be a chunk of my soul missing.

You've been on my mind lately because I *finally* got your prints framed and have them hanging on my computer room walls. And because I met a Creative Writing grad student who reminded me of you a little bit in some odd way. And also because of the aforementioned musings on what I've become. I saw NIN recently and found myself shouting along when he got to the line "after everything I've done, I hate myself for what I've become."

But really I'm mostly done hating myself. I just want to find a way to get some parts of myself back and maybe that's part of what's got me wanting to know about how things are going for the people who knew that girl once upon a time.

I hope you can find a way to get by in this world while still being true to yourself and your uniquely beautiful vision. I still miss you.

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